Courage for Weary travelers...especially for those on the road of adoption

Below is the majority of an email I wrote to some fellow travelers on the long and hard road of adoption. Hope it might encourage one or two others on the road.

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We are praying for you both!

I know this wait has been long road, filled with trials, filled with questioning and wondering at the plans and purposes of God and His ways.

I have been spending a lot of time in Hebrews 11, 12, and 13 as of late and have been so challenged by the path of faith that the Lord has called many of our Old Testament brothers and sisters to.

God is making you into great parents prior to even having the children in your home. He is refining you for His great and good purposes, to be a light of Christ in a hopeless and dark world.

I do not know what these next 2, 4, 6 months hold (let alone tomorrow) for both you or us, but there are several promises that are growing more and more dear to me in and every day this adoption process continues…

·         Hebrews 13: The sure and steady HOPE that ‘Jesus will never leave me nor forsake me’. No matter what comes, he is graciously refining me for his purposes, His glory, and in fact for my good…though often I don’t see it as my good. ‘The Lord is my Helper, I will not fear…what can man do to me’.

·         Hebrews 12: The Race of Faith – We all have great need of endurance. Life is hard, trials are many, pain is present, but we can take GREAT hope in that Jesus endured suffering, horrific hostility, crucifixion, to bring me into the household of God, as sons adopted into the Family of the Living God. And that Great Hope, the Hope of the Firm and Steady rock of Jesus Christ, propels us to offer our lives as holy and pleasing sacrifices to God…suffering with Jesus outside the camp (Hebrews 13) and bearing the reproach He endured.

·         Hebrews 11: Enduring as Seeing Him who is invisible: Moses endured the anger of the king…because he ‘saw Him who is invisible’. Sarah endured ‘considering Him FAITHFUL, who had promised’. Abraham ‘offered up his only son Isaac believing that God would raise Him from the dead’. Moses ‘wandered’ for 40 years and God equipped Him, prepared Him to lead millions of people.

(I am saying this to myself as I write it) :  Be of good courage for our hope is not in governments (they will fail), adoption agencies (they will make mistakes), timelines (they are always changing), or anything other than Our Great God who did not spare His own Son so that we might become His children. Our courage is upon the Firm Foundation, the Sure and Steady Hope, the Immovable Rock in the midst of an earth-shaking Tsunami, The One who is Unshakable, the King of Kings, the One who upholds the world by the Word of His Power, Our Great Salvation, The One who has Made Purification for sins, the One Who is Seated at the Right Hand of The Throne of God, Exact Imprint of God (God Himself) the One who Works all Things together for Good to those who Love Him, to those who are Called according to HIS Purposes, the One who blood has given us access to the Throne of Grace, The One who is Faithful to the End, The One whom Death Could Not Hold, the One who is the Christ, JESUS.

A plea to our Great God

O God, let us remain steadfast under your Great and Precious Promises, let us hold closely to the only firm foundation available, Jesus and His work on the Cross, let us continue to RUN the race, fixing our eyes on You, the author and perfecter of our Faith, let us continue to live as seeing Him who is invisible, let us live for the world to come, let us be found faithful. Equip us O God for everything we need for life and godliness, for every good work You have called us to. For Your Name to be magnified.

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Here is a strengthening blog post from some friends of our who are also adopting from Ethiopia, on the topic of waiting on God.

Functional Universalist???

Am I, are you, a functional Universalist?



Do We Really Believe What We're Saying? from The Church at Brook Hills on Vimeo.


(HT: Justin Taylor)

Learning to Love the 'Unloveable'

Life has not exactly been easy since we got back from our first trip to Ethiopia- not that it was easy before. 

                                                                        
Many have asked how the kids did while we were gone and to my surprise, they did pretty well, although Ezra woke up a few mornings crying because he "missed mom and dad."   Sweet Olivia, hearing his cries first, would go and pat his back and tell him "It's ok Ezra. Mom and dad will be home soon."   Olivia is my little compassionate comforter which is a quality I hadn't seen come out until lately.  

While I knew it would be hard to get back into the swing of things, I didn't know how difficult it would be with my oldest when we got back.  And although it was a good thing that he missed us, I think we went a huge leap backwards in trust between us when we were gone those ten days.  Old consequences for misbehavior that had worked in the past now meant nothing to him and as I'd tell him to go jump on the mini tramp, I'd be met with a cold stare and stiff body that refused to be told what to do.  Every little thing that didn't go his way resulted in a meltdown or a physical temper tantrum.  With each 'episode' that accrued day after day, I confess my love for him was tested brutally.  To be totally honest, I felt like I was living with an enemy; someone who hated me and my love and threw it back in my face; someone who fought me on every issue like sitting down in one's seat to eat lunch or getting dressed in the morning.  He wanted my help but then he didn't want it or I didn't do it the way he wanted it; it didn't matter really. . . . I was the enemy to him and he was soon becoming my 'enemy' in heart and in reality. 

We had been making huge strides with 'E' before we left for Ethiopia but when we were gone, he did not understand that we would return soon and his trust in us fell apart.  Thus, he set up barriers to protect himself, ones that had worked well to help him survive his first horrible year on this earth.

When things get really tough between 'E' and I, I always need to take a step back and remind myself of a few things.  (These are good to take note of for any of you adoptive moms reading this blog.)
      
       1)What are the temper tantrums really trying to communicate?  For Ez, it always means a cry for help.
       2)What am I showing him by the way I respond to his outbursts or rebellions?  Am I an example of
          love?  of self control?  of patience?   of a sweet and gentle tone of voice?
       3)What qualities is he displaying that helped him survive all the horror and pain he endured before being
            adopted?   Am I thankful for them?   Am I showing him how he can put those aside now and feel
           safe with me?

For all you adoptive moms with RAD kids, you know what I mean by getting to the end of your rope with a child.  (If you don't know what that means, call me and I'd be happy to explain it to you)
I was at the end of my rope with Ez and I knew something needed to change.  And then God had me read through first and second Peter to remind me about how we are to treat our enemies and what to endure in:   
                                  LOVE!  "since love covers a multitude of sins"  1 Peter 4:8

God so graciously reminded me that in order for 'E' to learn to love and to accept love from others, I needed to show it to him daily and unfortunately, I was the one sorely lacking as things got worse and worse.  But I was at a point where I could not muster it up for him.  As hard as I tried to be 'nice' it was not Christ's love being examplified.  It had to do with my impatient tone of voice; my ungentle touch or even complete lack thereof towards him;  my disapproving cold eyes that looked into his; and the unspoken desire to just not be around him because when we were together, he was always fighting me.  I was not pursueing him and had just fulfilled his reasoning for not trusting me.   I desperately needed God to fill me up with His love because mine was gone.  And so, I got down on my knees and from that point until this day, I get up every morning asking the Lord to give me His love for this child of mine. 

And He has answered my prayers so faithfully!    Now, I am reaping the joy of watching a life being transformed by the love of God.  As the Holy Spirit gives me a patient heart or a kind tone of voice or even the desire to give 'E' a hug during a hard time, I see Ez responding like never before.  I have a little boy who actually cries in sorrow when he has done wrong; I get a good morning hug initiated BY HIM;  I get an "I love you mom"  something that 'E' has never said to me up until the last few months!   Accepting love is so scary for him because his rule to reject it served him so well to surviving the loss of all those caregivers in those first few months.  It's crazy to even watch him respond to love because it's like he doesn't even know what to do with his feelings;  You can see it in his face. . . questions of, "Is it ok to feel this?  I like love but maybe I can't trust it". . . . Verbalizing it is the hardest part for a little boy.  As I watch Ez grow in love, I see myself growing in love even more.  And when he's struggling to love, I check myself to see if I'm struggling to love.  I never knew my spiritual life would be so reciprical with the life of one of my children but God knows what we need and who we need, doesn't He.

It may sound strange that I liken my own son to being my 'enemy' but in many respects, that was how our relationship looked and felt during most of the day.  It is only now that I see why God's command to 'Love thy enemy' is so powerful in this world because it can transform not only our own hearts, but it can transform those who hate us.  Don't get me wrong, Ez and I still have our tough days, but the little boy I see now, is not the same boy from only a few months ago.  God's love is transforming his heart and mind and I of all people, get the privilege to watch God work that miracle.  The other miracle is taking place inside my own heart, as God pours forth his love upon me in order for me to then overflow onto Ez.  And His supply is never-ending!  Thanks be to God!  

                                                                     
         "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's LOVE has been poured into our hearts throught the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."  
                                                                                                                    Romans 5: 3-5

Meeting Moses for the 1st time

Here is a quick 1 minute video of 1st day meeting Moses while in Ethiopia. He is a sweet little guy and had a few smiles, lots of yawns, and a little crying. Looking forward to going back in a bit to bring him home for good.

Introducing our son Moses Greenup

We heard from our caseworker today that our court date did in fact go through. Moses is now officially our son. (We now wait for the US embassy to do their thing...so probably 8 to 10 weeks before we get to bring him home).

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These are some of the pictures we received from October through December. 

                                     

This smile so encouraged our hearts during the months of waiting

This picture gets me teary eyed every time I look at it. I just see him reaching out his hand and long to be there, hold him, care for him, serve him, and bring him home.

The Lessons of Waiting

While I do not usually blog much( Dustin writes most of it), many things have been mulling around my brain since our return from Ethiopia that I think need to be shared and hopefully can be of some help to others going through similar situations.

                      Our second court date was yesterday- and it did NOT pass again.

First of all- there is a chance that we may never get to bring Moses home at all.  I do not mean to alarm anyone with this news or to raise flags.  It is an inkling into what I perceive may be happening to adoptions in Ethiopia and especially our situation.  We still don't know if our MOWA letter will ever be completed and unfortunately, there is no way to know or to 'encourage' those who have the power right now over our case  This realization has been very heavy on my heart to say the least and I have been wrestling with God over the 'what ifs' and 'whys' of the whole situation.  What I do know right now is that God is challenging me to ask myself, "Will I still believe in his goodness and sovereignty if this does not go through and we lose our precious baby boy?"

Even if we do get to bring Moses home, my heart is wrenching over those lost 4 or 5 months that I did not get to feed him his bottle, or change his diapers, or play with his little toes on my cheeks as we coo to one another.  This 'waiting' on the Lord is gut wrenching  to say the least. 

And it is now that the Lord has chosen to teach me an even more deeper application into what He meant in Philippians chapter 4.  You know- those verses everyone memorizes and can quote off the top of their heads.  Verse 6- Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your requests be made know to God.  If I give God my anger, my longing, my frustration, over to God and thank Him  in prayer and supplication for even planning this as a part of my life, then it goes on to tell me that 'the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.'  And boy does my throbbing heart and worried mind need guarding right now as I contemplate the worst case scenario- that of losing my precious Moses whom I've rocked in my arms, fed with my hands,  kissed with my lips, and breathed in his smell with my breath.  The Lord has once again brought me to a place of intense utter dependence upon him for strength and hope.

I am at a loss. I can do nothing to help the situation.  God took all my 'efforts' and said to me, "Trust in me- for I am all you have and then, Heidi, you will see just how much you truely do have abundantly."   

In faith I believe that God can move in the heart of one MOWA worker to get our letter done when it is time for Moses to join us.  In faith, I am now learning what waiting on the Lord means in all circumstances.  In faith, I get up each morning asking God to give me his peace and hope that His will be done in my life and in Moses' life.  I wait.  .   .   .   . silently.   .   .    .    .   sometimes crying.   .   .    sometimes thoughtful about how God is working right now.   And when I am feeling the most powerless, then I am supported in the strength of the most powerful, all knowing, all seeing, all loving Lord of the universe.   .   .   .   .   and I am comforted.   

Fellowship in Soddo, Ethiopia

On the Sunday evening of our trip to Soddo, Ethiopia...we gathered with the other believers for a time of worship and fellowship. 

That night I was very thankful for technology. There were about 16 of us gathered together and one of the gals loaded up her Ipod and started playing some worship music we could sing together. Salty tears welled in my eyes and puddled in my lap before the 1st song was over. Corporate worship is such a treasure. Worshiping with our fellow brothers and sisters who were on the mission field. The majority of these people were serving at the Soddo Christian Hospital, either on a short-term basis (a few months) or a longer term basis (few years). 

The majority of this group was nurses, surgeons, and others in the medical related fields. Being part businessman, I am quickly calculating the income that this group of people could have been making had their time been solely in the States. Collectively these people could be making several millions of dollars each year. Yet, they had taken up the call to GO, to be workers in the field. 

After we spent some time singing together the group there had been watching David Platt's dvd series on Galatians. This was wonderful for several reasons.

1. It was great to hear that the Church at Brook Hills was generous enough to send them their video's and series as a source of encouragement and edification to these servants of the Lord serving in Soddo.

2. One of the other couples who were in Addis the same time we were for the adoption court hearing was from the Church at Brook Hills. I know they will be overjoyed to hear about this connection.

3. David Platt's sermon was on the end of chapter 3 of Galatians and the beginning of chapter 4, which is completely about God adopting His children.

It was extremely timely and God used this as a great source of encouragement for us. We then prayed and had a filling time of worship in fellowship, song and the Word proclaimed. 

Most of these people we only had a few hours with, but it was such a pleasure to see their joy in the Lord, their thankfulness to be a part of God's work in Soddo, and hearts desiring to love the Lord and those the Lord sovereignly put into their care each and every day.