Yesterday I got asked "How do you do it with four?" to which I replied, "One day at a time." I want others to know quickly that I am no super mom, I am your average mill of the run woman, with my own set of faults and weaknesses just like everyone else.
In fact, last night I had quite a breakdown in emotion and self control that I am ashamed to even write about it. I do only because I sense that God taught me much through that experience and I hope it will encourage some of you others reading this blog. As a parent, the best thing I could give my kids and the most I could ever want, is for them to know the Lord intimately. Part of my job as a mom is to introduce to them who God is and what He's done, namely- the Cross of Christ and it's saving power. But as I labor day in and day out to teach my children about sin, the effects of it in their lives and how to live for Jesus, I become discouraged at the hard hearts of my children who look at me blankly, not even caring about what they did that was wrong. O how painful it is to not see any sign of repentance, nor sorrow or anguish over the break in relationship. It is something I nor anyone else can cause to be affected-only God in his almighty hand can melt a heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh.
But isn't it easy to fall into the trap of measuring your parenting by how well your children are behaving and responding even to discipline? I am tempted to let my pride flare up when at church my child acts 'unbecomingly', and I am filled with shame, thinking others judged me as a parent by how UN-behaved my kids are. It is easy to think that if we just parent better or spank the most that our children will behave and love the Lord. Unfortunately, those 2 things do not necessarily go hand in hand.
Yesterday my husband happened to recite much of chapters 10, 11 and 12 of Hebrews in church and as he's been preparing for this endeavor, I have gotten to listen to and meditate over much of what God's word says in those meaty passages.
And last night as I was crying my eyes out in frustration I think something clicked for me. You see chapter 11 of Hebrews talks about all these great people of faith such as Abel, Enoch, Abraham, Jacob, etc. The point of all these people listed was not that they'd seen the fruits of their actions necessarily, but that they acted in faith "not having received the things promised," but rather looked "to the reward(vs 26)"
which would come in heaven. "By faith. . . ." keeps ringing in your ears.
Parenting I've discovered is so much like this. Here we work day after day, wiping noses and bottoms when they're young, teaching and training everything from not to throw down their food while eating to having self control when a brother takes their toy. And all of it boils down to wanted them to know God and why they need Jesus as their savior. Everything I do, EVERYTHING- is for them to know and learn to love Christ. And so, I parent not having received the promise that my child will become saved, but looking to the reward yet to come. And as Noah and Abraham endured, so too can I endure through Christ-- Christ who "endured such hostility from sinners against himself, so that (I and you) may not grow weary or fainthearted.(12:3)"
Last night I was weary and fainthearted because I had forgotten the promises to me that have yet to come. Not that I know all my children will become saved, but one thing I do know, I can keep enduring to train and teach their little hearts until the day I die, knowing that my promise and reward is yet to come.
My oldest child is not quite 5, and I am in anguish not to see repentance in his heart yet. Perhaps your child is older still. Today I am taking it one day at a time, yet running "with endurance the race that is set before (me), looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.(12:1-3)"
By faith. . . . what would God have you do today?
Today I am making nutrious meals, training how to stay in your seat at the dinner table, wiping poopy bottoms clean, praying for repentant hearts in my children, teaching letters with licorice, etc. . . . .
