"Dad, that was an empty prayer"

O how the Lord used Ezra last night to convict me of 'empty prayers'.


Tuesday night we have growth group/community group/bible study at some friends house, so we are gone until about 9:00 (or 9:30 as was the case last night) and my mom graciously puts the kids to bed when she is there watching them.

This night Ezra was still awake, so when we got home I went downstairs (a little perturbed that he was still awake) to encourage him to stay in his bed and fall asleep. Of course I wanted to pray with him, so I did...quickly...out of routine to get it done and get him to sleep.

"Jesus, thank you for this great day, thank you for Ezra, I pray that you'd help him sleep and that he would have a great day tomorrow. Amen." (I prayed this very quickly...as it was 9:45 at night)

After I said Amen...Ezra chimed in very quickly. 'Dad, that was an empty prayer.'

Hmmm.

How was I going to respond? I sat their quietly thinking for a minute or so.

Dad: 'Ezra, why do you think that my prayer was an empty prayer?'

Ezra: 'Well, you just said it so quickly that it didn't seem like you meant it. It sounded empty, all you really wanted was for it to be over with.'

Dad: "Ezra, thank you for being sensitive to the Holy Spirit. You are right, that was empty, let's really pray and talk with God."

Ezra: 'Sounds good Dad'

Prayer to follow...or something close to it.

'Father, forgive me for empty, lifeless, routine, just doing it because I should type of prayer. Thank you for your Spirit working through Ezra in my life tonight. Thank you for allowing him to articulate in a sentence what I can so often be guilty of. Forgive me for not believing, not approaching you with thankfulness, with great expectation, with a wonder and awe of how great You are and how Gracious and Good you have been and continue to be in giving us Jesus, forgiveness of my sin and new life in Him. Empower us to live each of our days for your glory and your praise.'

Ezra's prayer: "Lord, help us be more like Stephen who lived for you and told others about you." (We had been talking about Stephen in Acts 7 at dinner and how he was filled with the Holy Spirit &  martyred (killed) because of his great love for Jesus.

Cool to see how the Lord answered that prayer (being like Stephen who was filled with the Holy Spirit) before Ezra even prayed it...as seen in his convicting words to his daddy.

Lessons from 5 minutes of putting my son to bed.

-God works in & through 5 year old children to teach their daddies things they should be teaching their son.

- I am thankful that God allowed Ezra to articulate truth so well. I pray that this gift will continue to be fanned into flame in His life for God's glory.

- Don't EVER be guilty of empty prayer

- My children are watching and listening. Am I discipling them in 'empty prayers' or in pouring out my heart and soul to God?

First meeting with an Attachment Therapist

*I write this down because I think there are others out there who are wrestling with similar issues in the adoption/foster care world, and this will be a bigger and bigger issue as more and more adoptions occur. By no means am I offering counsel, just recounting some of our process and what we are working through. It serves as a means of clarifying my thoughts also. We are very much at the beginning of this. 

Today we had our first meeting with an attachment therapist. We had no clue what to expect. We'd be lying to say that we weren't a bit nervous. What should we expect? What is normal? Is he going to act like 'normal' and show no signs of any issues? Are we just being over-sensitive and making all this stuff up?

So we get into the house and get comfortable. Instantly the kids (yes, we brought all of them) wanted to play with all of the toys she had, but first she wanted to get to know us a little bit and ask us a few questions. 

(I am briefly summarizing a 2 hour session). She was very warm, gracious, kind and helpful. 

Hannah: 'Ezra, could you tell me about your mom and dad? Tell me one thing about your mom?'

Ezra: 'Well, she lets me help her do the dishes'. 

Hannah: Great. Thank you for answering the question. High Five! Hugs for daddy and mommy.

 Now could you tell me about your dad? What does your dad do for work?

Ezra: "Well, he does the dishes." (Which I do try and do, but not for work.)

Hannah: 'Ezra, I want you to tell me what you dad does for work'.

Ezra: 'He leaves the house'. 

For the next 35 minutes, Ezra says different things and is trying to maintain control. He gets so frustrated with the process that he starts crying and goes and sits in mommy's lap and is held by her (which is a good thing). Hannah then trys to move onto a different question and come back to the 'What does daddy do for work' question.  We were greatly encouraged that Ezra went into Heidi's arms to be held by her (that is a good thing).

So Ezra stands up and looks at Hannah in the eyes and she asks...

Hannah: 'Ezra, what color are my eyes?'

Ezra: 'Purple'. 

Hannah: 'Ezra, I am sorry, my eyes are not purple.' (As a four year old, he knows his colors).

This goes on for another 10 to 15 minutes. 

Hannah: 'Ezra are you ready to answer the question.'

Ezra: 'Yes.'

Hannah: 'Ok, what color are my eyes?'

Ezra: 'Black'.

Hannah: 'Sorry Ezra, that is not right'.

* It is very easy to see that Ezra is trying to maintain control here and do things on his own terms and not on Hannah's terms. 

Daddy's Thought and Question:

About half way through this, I jump into the conversation. Heidi, we don't talk a lot about what I do for work, do you think this is something Ezra knows and knows how to communicate? 

Hannah: 'Possibly, but the fact that Ezra hasn't tried to answer correctly is something I want to pursue a bit further. It isn't that the answer has to be perfect, it just needs to be on topic and somewhat specific.' (As opposed to 'daddy washes dishes for work' or 'he just leaves the house'.

In Daddy's mind: (Maybe he is getting confused, maybe the questions should be asked in a different way.) Reality Check: These are really simple questions to ask/answer.

After doing some strong sitting, sitting on mom's lap and seeing her sister play with Superman and other toys, he says he is ready to answer.

Hannah: 'Ok Ezra, what does your daddy do for work?'

Ezra:  MY DADDY WORKS ON HIS COMPUTER AND SELLS HOUSES. 

(Word for word from his mouth. We had given him no further information since the beginning of our time. He is a very smart boy!)

Everyone: At this point we congratulate him, give huge hugs, big high-fives, and kisses, and communicate with him that we are super excited for him to tell the truth.

After answering that correctly, it took another 30 minutes to answer her second question correctly.

Hannah: 'Ezra, what color are my eyes?'

Ezra: 'Your eyes are blue'. 

Everyone Again: At this point we congratulate him, give huge hugs, big high-fives, and kisses, and communicate with him that we are super excited for him to tell the truth. 

Over the course of the hour and fifteen minutes of this, there were simply 2 questions Hannah focused upon because they were trigger points for Ezra.

1) What does your daddy do for work?

2) What color are my eyes?

You might be thinking: Wow, you went and spent 2 hours with someone just to answer those 2 questions. No...those questions and his answers reveal some deeper attachment issues. Why lie over the course of 20 times about what your daddy does for work and what color someone's eyes are? Maintain and keep control for the purpose of a safety mechanism. 

What is next?

- Time of thanksgiving to the Lord for our son. We cherish that God has graciously gifted our family with Ezra and soon Musse. 

- We are going to listen to and read Taming the Tiger while its still a Kitten. There are a lot of practical helps in working with children on helping them attach and gives us plenty of things to work on with Ezra over the course of the next few months. 

- Work on some of the things Ezra missed in his first year of life that he needs now. Additional holding, loving touch, looking into eyes, etc. You might think this is weird, but there are so many things that occur in that first year of life that we need to take a step back and work on with Ezra. 

- Ezra needs to know (the experiential know) that daddy and mommy know what is best and he doesn't need to try to maintain control. Helping him learn to TRUST us is essential. 

Other Thoughts:

- It isn't that we are trusting 'therapy' to change his heart and cause him to be born again, that is a gracious gift from the Lord, and only by the Lord. 

- Ezra is such a blessing and joy to our family and is full of smiles, joy and encouragement...but he is also hurting and needs help and does try to control and 'lead' as a means of coping. 

- If your child had a broken thumb and needed surgery and repairing, you would get physical therapy for him, right? The hardest part about attachment issues is that when brain development gets involved causes and treatments get a bit more tricky. There is no one unified voice, especially biblical voice, that addresses the issue the way physical therapists would respond to a broken thumb and what to do to get it back to functioning normally. 

If this post has been unclear, please comment and ask questions so I can clarify it.

P.S. A few posts I am going to do before we leave for Ethiopia are going to be focused upon 'What we learned from parenting an adopted child the first time around & what we are going to do different our 2nd time around.'

Ezra makes us smile and laugh in many ways. Below are two ways he makes us smile and be full of laughter. He loves to sing and he loves to dance.




Ezra dancing to 'Very Superstitious'

Greenup Family Outtakes

Often people post the best pictures of their kids. Understandable. Once in a while, like 1 out of 134 digital photos taken, turn out with everyone smiling, looking, etc.

Yet, if that was all we ever posted, we'd be giving everyone an unrealistic idea of what normal life is like.

Below are a few photos. And that is that.

Biting, Prayers and my need for the Gospel

My 4 year old son bite my wife today when she was seeking to train him to be quick to listen and quick to obey.

Yikes!

(Thankfully this is not a common occurrence but it is an opportunity that I get to learn to love my wife and shepherd my family).

 I love Ezra with my life and would die for him, but when he bites my wife, my emotions are not exactly spilling over with joy and happiness. Just being honest.

"Father, help me love my son and point Him to You. He, like myself, needs the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ to change. Keep me from thinking that behavior modification is sufficient to save him.  Empower me to die to self, and live unto You. Enable me to love others with the strength You provide."

O how I have trampled on the goodness of God in my own life. When I sin, I spit in God's face saying that I don't trust Him or believe Him that his promises are right, true, and good. Christ came, was crucified, and rose from the dead so my sin would be nailed to the cross and that I would live in newness of life, born again to a life lived for His glory.

"Grant unto me O Lord a zeal for Your glory. May knowing You Christ be more dear to me than vast treasure, worldly renown, or earthly success. May I die to self, and live unto you. May my life bear fruit that abides to eternity. I plead that you would cause Ezra to be born again and that His complete and utter passion in life would be know and proclaim Jesus Christ and Him crucified. May his daddy be a living example of this."  

Ezra's 4th Birthday and Gotcha Day

1st time holding Ezra in Ethiopia

1st picture of Ezra we received of Ezra in Dec. 2006

Dear Ezra,
  Today is September 1st and you turn 4 years old today.

It has been 3 years since the Lord graciously brought you into our family. We thank the Lord for how He has used you in our lives to make us more like Christ and how God has changed our world through you. We love that you are our firstborn son and are grateful that before the beginning of time God planned for you to be our son and us to be your father and mother. Our family would not be the same without you. Your deep belly laugh, your tender kisses to Camille, your extra juice energy level, your love for people make us smile and rejoice.
  We are amazed at the goodness of God over these past three years and have seen you go from a baby to toddler to full fledged boy. We love that you love to read, especially the Jesus Storybook Bible, love to act out David and Goliath, love to smile and laugh.

  We pray that you see your dad and mom joyously serious about their pursuit of the Lord Jesus Christ and magnifying Him in every way and centering their lives upon Him. We have no greater prayer and desire that you would grow to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. May your life be lived in light of eternity and may our home be a place for you to see your parents centered upon the most important reality of all of life - loving & living the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I hope this birthday is a bit different than last year...seeing that you bit a kid. Oops. We'll laugh about it in about 15 years.

Ezra loves his bath time (2007)

Christmas 2008

August 2010

Ezra and Olivia

Why 'Change YOUR world' and not 'Change the world'

Available for purchase if desired
to help with our adoption

Why Change YOUR world for One?   

When we first began our adoption process with Ezra over 4 years ago, we had many people say to us...'that is such a wonderful thing you are doing' OR 'he is going to have such a better life' OR 'you have truly changed his world'.
  It is definately true that Ezra' life is completely different in light of having a family and not being an orphan in Ethiopia. There is a extremely high probability that he wouldn't have been alive to see his 4th birthday had he not been adopted. So yes, his world has changed.

YET, it is our world that has changed so significantly, so dramatically, so foundationally with adoption. Adoption has opened our eyes further to the reality of the Good News of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the extreme privillege of being adopted into the family of God. (See Ephesians 1)

God had laid it on our hearts (when we adopted Ezra) and is again laying it on our hearts (adoption of Hudson) to build our family through adoption.

Probably the biggest reason we chose the name 'Change YOUR World For One' is to bring awareness and understanding that it is YOUR world that is going to be changed, going to be turned upside down and you seek to care, love, be a family to an orphan, and that is a wonderful thing.

Even the people who have gone through extremely difficult adoptions have said that God has used it in their life to refine them, change them, and make them more like Christ.

There are many ways to care for orphans and widows and there are many many people in the body of Christ who are doing so in wonderful ways. Everyone is not called to adopt, but there are probably a lot more people out there who could.

Your world will change by changing the world of an orphan.

Flicking Food over the Deck and Winking

The other night we were having dinner out at my parents house and when no one was looking, except my aunt Cindy, Ezra went over to the side of the deck and flicked some of his yams over the ledge. After he did this, he saw that my aunt was looking at him, so he winked at her and went back to eat the rest of his dinner.

Seeing that we weren't there that exact moment to see what he was doing, we didn't make it a bigger issue than it needed to be. Anyways, we'll look back in 20 years and laugh at the situation. . . . ok, we did laugh then too.

'Dad, we need some more money's'

Last night I had a conversation with Ezra as he was going to bed about our adoption of Hudson.

Ezra:  'Dad, we need to go get Hudson home from Ethiopia RIGHT NOW. He is waiting for us.'

Dad: 'Yes Ezra, he is, but we need to wait for God's timing'.

Ezra: 'We need more money to get him home'

Dad: 'Yes, we do need money, but thankfully we know that God will provide what we need when we need it'

Ezra: 'Oh...ok'

I wish my heart was a trusting and full of faith as Ezra was in my words. I also reminded Ezra (myself also indirectly) that it isn't money that we need more than anything, it is God Himself. We need God (and not as a means to an end) Himself, He is who our hearts are desperately in need of on a daily, moment by moment basis.

Thank you Lord for using Ezra to remind me that it is You I need!!!

It is easy in the adoption process to see MONEY as the main thing keeping us from our adoption being completed, but I often forget that the Lord has perfect, good, and unique lessons He wants me to learn thorugh the waiting, trusting and depending upon Him. It is my world/life/soul that is changing through God's gracious sanctification that comes as a result of this adoption adventure.