The Lessons of Waiting

While I do not usually blog much( Dustin writes most of it), many things have been mulling around my brain since our return from Ethiopia that I think need to be shared and hopefully can be of some help to others going through similar situations.

                      Our second court date was yesterday- and it did NOT pass again.

First of all- there is a chance that we may never get to bring Moses home at all.  I do not mean to alarm anyone with this news or to raise flags.  It is an inkling into what I perceive may be happening to adoptions in Ethiopia and especially our situation.  We still don't know if our MOWA letter will ever be completed and unfortunately, there is no way to know or to 'encourage' those who have the power right now over our case  This realization has been very heavy on my heart to say the least and I have been wrestling with God over the 'what ifs' and 'whys' of the whole situation.  What I do know right now is that God is challenging me to ask myself, "Will I still believe in his goodness and sovereignty if this does not go through and we lose our precious baby boy?"

Even if we do get to bring Moses home, my heart is wrenching over those lost 4 or 5 months that I did not get to feed him his bottle, or change his diapers, or play with his little toes on my cheeks as we coo to one another.  This 'waiting' on the Lord is gut wrenching  to say the least. 

And it is now that the Lord has chosen to teach me an even more deeper application into what He meant in Philippians chapter 4.  You know- those verses everyone memorizes and can quote off the top of their heads.  Verse 6- Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your requests be made know to God.  If I give God my anger, my longing, my frustration, over to God and thank Him  in prayer and supplication for even planning this as a part of my life, then it goes on to tell me that 'the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.'  And boy does my throbbing heart and worried mind need guarding right now as I contemplate the worst case scenario- that of losing my precious Moses whom I've rocked in my arms, fed with my hands,  kissed with my lips, and breathed in his smell with my breath.  The Lord has once again brought me to a place of intense utter dependence upon him for strength and hope.

I am at a loss. I can do nothing to help the situation.  God took all my 'efforts' and said to me, "Trust in me- for I am all you have and then, Heidi, you will see just how much you truely do have abundantly."   

In faith I believe that God can move in the heart of one MOWA worker to get our letter done when it is time for Moses to join us.  In faith, I am now learning what waiting on the Lord means in all circumstances.  In faith, I get up each morning asking God to give me his peace and hope that His will be done in my life and in Moses' life.  I wait.  .   .   .   . silently.   .   .    .    .   sometimes crying.   .   .    sometimes thoughtful about how God is working right now.   And when I am feeling the most powerless, then I am supported in the strength of the most powerful, all knowing, all seeing, all loving Lord of the universe.   .   .   .   .   and I am comforted.