I used to be that guy who rolled his eyes (probably not visibly, but definitely in my mind) when someone told me that their child was having attachment issues or had a Sensory Processing Disorder. I used to think that stuff is just a bit fu-fu and if those people would just parent 'the right way' their kids would get over those issues. 'It must be the parents fault'...'bad parenting.' If they would simply implement 'these' techniques, then the kids would turn out. Oh how this bleeds excessively of legalism, moralism, and nauseating religiosity.
My whole testimony of God's grace and sanctification in my life is a 'Used to be Pharisee & saved by Grace'.
My whole testimony of God's grace and sanctification in my life is a 'Used to be Pharisee & saved by Grace'.
If you are not familiar with the terms 'RAD or Sensory Processing Disorder', you might be rolling your eyes at me know thinking I have gone off the deep end and have surely lost it. That's ok, because there are people out there who know what I am talking about.
As Heidi and I started to pray and think more through this and talk to parents who have adopted children, we realized that what we were seeing/feeling/sensing was real stuff and we were not alone on an island in realizing what we were going through with Ezra.
I am very thankful for blogs because it is a place where people share their life, joys, struggles, hurts, etc.
A few years ago, we met a couple, Russ and Lisa Qualls, at an adoption conference. They had 7 biological children, and then followed the Lord' call on their life to adopt 4 children from Ethiopia. She has been very transparent on her blog and one specific article she wrote was very helpful to me to drop my pride and ASK FOR HELP. This article is SO HELPFUL, so freeing, so raw and transparent.
If you click the link that follows, another adoptive parent explains a day in the life with a child with attachment issues. Read it here. (Not all attachment issues are are severe as she describes, but some are).
A few ways the Lord has grown me over the course of the last few months as we wrestle through, think through, pray through these issues of Reactive Attachment Disorder (and parenting in general).
1. Compassion - Both for Parents who are trying to help their adopted children with RAD and compassion for Ezra as we seek to love him and serve him.
2. Kindness and Gentleness - A soft answer turns away wrath (rage, fury, anger).
The kindness of the Lord is meant to lead you to repentance.
3. Less Judgmental - Like I said in the title, I am a recovering Pharisee and God is doing a good work in my/our heart to love others and have more sympathy towards people who deal with rough kids and situations.
Quick list of resources for RAD and other sensory disorders:
Empowered To Connect - Karyn Purvis wrote and excellent book, The Connected Child. Dr. Purvis and a few others wrote a FREE study guide to go along with the book, called Created to Connect.
Adopting for Life Conference: Earlier in 2010, there was a conference in Louisville, KY, there was a conference that had many resources. One of those resources was a sermon titled, Attachment Disorders and the Gospel: Building the right adoption DNA into your family.
Attachment.org : We are currently reading a book, When love is not enough, and feel like it is a good resource to have in our toolkit. She has a lot of other good resources available, though we haven't used any of them yet.
I thank Jesus for His gracious, forgiving love and how he continually reveals to me that I am a in need of a Savior, on a daily basis. I thank the Lord He has had us go down this road of adoption but it has not been easy, care free, all smiles, picture perfect.
But if it were, why would I need trust Jesus for His sustaining grace?
For those of you who have read this far, please comment on other resources you have found helpful as you trust the Lord in working with children with attachment issues?
As Heidi and I started to pray and think more through this and talk to parents who have adopted children, we realized that what we were seeing/feeling/sensing was real stuff and we were not alone on an island in realizing what we were going through with Ezra.
I am very thankful for blogs because it is a place where people share their life, joys, struggles, hurts, etc.
A few years ago, we met a couple, Russ and Lisa Qualls, at an adoption conference. They had 7 biological children, and then followed the Lord' call on their life to adopt 4 children from Ethiopia. She has been very transparent on her blog and one specific article she wrote was very helpful to me to drop my pride and ASK FOR HELP. This article is SO HELPFUL, so freeing, so raw and transparent.
If you click the link that follows, another adoptive parent explains a day in the life with a child with attachment issues. Read it here. (Not all attachment issues are are severe as she describes, but some are).
A few ways the Lord has grown me over the course of the last few months as we wrestle through, think through, pray through these issues of Reactive Attachment Disorder (and parenting in general).
1. Compassion - Both for Parents who are trying to help their adopted children with RAD and compassion for Ezra as we seek to love him and serve him.
2. Kindness and Gentleness - A soft answer turns away wrath (rage, fury, anger).
The kindness of the Lord is meant to lead you to repentance.
3. Less Judgmental - Like I said in the title, I am a recovering Pharisee and God is doing a good work in my/our heart to love others and have more sympathy towards people who deal with rough kids and situations.
Quick list of resources for RAD and other sensory disorders:
Empowered To Connect - Karyn Purvis wrote and excellent book, The Connected Child. Dr. Purvis and a few others wrote a FREE study guide to go along with the book, called Created to Connect.
Adopting for Life Conference: Earlier in 2010, there was a conference in Louisville, KY, there was a conference that had many resources. One of those resources was a sermon titled, Attachment Disorders and the Gospel: Building the right adoption DNA into your family.
Attachment.org : We are currently reading a book, When love is not enough, and feel like it is a good resource to have in our toolkit. She has a lot of other good resources available, though we haven't used any of them yet.
I thank Jesus for His gracious, forgiving love and how he continually reveals to me that I am a in need of a Savior, on a daily basis. I thank the Lord He has had us go down this road of adoption but it has not been easy, care free, all smiles, picture perfect.
But if it were, why would I need trust Jesus for His sustaining grace?
For those of you who have read this far, please comment on other resources you have found helpful as you trust the Lord in working with children with attachment issues?
Our son also struggles with RAD, so therefore, so do we. Counseling with an "attachment" therapist has been eye opening, but often times give you the feeling that there is no hope for our future. But that is just where Christ enters. Where the world sees no hope, we see opportunity for a miracle. We pray that God will literally heal my sons brain. And I will believe He will. Man, some days are tough though. We will pray along side your family. Here is a post I wrote that talks a little about our struggle with RAD in our home: http://theewen6.blogspot.com/2010/07/going-to-dogs.html
ReplyDeleteWe are praying for you guys and please let us know if we can help in any way. The day in the life of a child with RAD is so true! We would look to N and see what day we were going to have. Our problem was he was taller than me and not so easy to wrestle. Love you guys!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty!! I will be checking out these resources for sure.
ReplyDeleteAppreciate you guys, your heart for the Lord, the orphan, and educating those of us a few steps behind you!
I am currently reading The Connected Child and finding it to be very useful for ALL my children. (though I know it is written for children from hard places or situations) I love that she makes the standard total respect but offers a whole tool belt of ways for parenting. I was so fascinated to listen to an interview with her where she talked about the brain chemistry that changes in children who don't get proper pathways in their brain opened for lack of attachment. I was very surprised to hear that these types of challenges can also come from extended hospital stays early in life & pregnancies that were very stressful for the mom (that the stress hormones - cortisol?- are passed to the baby).
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing about this. I am very much still learning about these topics and being made more gracious and less legalistic in my mind. But, now I have read enough to know that there are a lot of hidden difficulties stemming from attachment problems and fetal alcohol exposure prenatally.
I am always learning from my friend, Dorothy, about various adoption issues. Her children were domestically adopted, but I really think there is a lot of crossover with the struggles her children have from being exposed to alcohol prenatally. urbanservant.blogspot.com
Thanks for commenting everyone. Andie, we check Dorothy blog regularly. Heidi and I were mentioning last night that a lot of her thoughts and rationale apply to all kids.
ReplyDeleteWe are brand new at all this also. But we feel it is very important to think through, especially for adoptive parents.
My adoptive brother who is currently 18 and in college has RAD and he is the "worst-case-scenario" type. His issues have literally turned my family's life upside down. And unfortunately he had to live apart from our family for his senior year for the safety of our family. It's been a tough and unexpected road for my parents to say the least. Unfortunately my parents are not confident in the sovereignty of God in this situation. Sadly, no one understands what my parents have been put through and no normal person seems to notice his symptoms- that alone is the one of the symptoms!
ReplyDeleteBecause Clint and I know first hand the harshest affects of RAD we are battling fear knowing that our children are already 1 and 2 years old! Time is a wasting! Part of us longed for two infants because of what we know but that is no guarantee to have an easy transition and we are trying to completely rely on Christ's plan our lives. But fear creeps in at times. We are praying fervently for their attachment skills even thought we are not part of their lives yet. It would be interesting to talk to you more about it via e-mail or phone some time. I feel the more open we can be about it and the more we learn from each other the better. Sometimes this pretty picture get's painted with adoption but it isn't always that peachy!
I appreciate your post. I am encouraged that even with what you're going through with Ezra (I don't exactly know) it obviously hasn't discouraged you both from adopting again!
GREAT post - so glad you are talking about this.
ReplyDelete